Therapy and Coaching for adults navigating estrangement

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• Did I do the right thing, or did I just walk away because it was easier than trying harder?
• If they died tomorrow, would I regret this?
• Is it too late to fix this, or did that door close years ago?

If these questions run on a loop, often late at night, you're not alone in asking them.

Going no contact or becoming distant from someone may have felt necessary. It can also bring grief, guilt, shame, relief, anger, doubt and everything in between.

You might be questioning your decision. You might miss someone you no longer speak to. Or you might be the person who has been left behind, trying to understand what happened.

You don't have to decide who is right or wrong before you can begin to make sense of what this experience means for you.

I'm Sarah Swain, an accredited integrative and EMDR therapist and coach focussing on estrangement.  

Estrangement is rarely as simple as it looks from the outside. 

It isn't simply about not speaking to someone. It can mean losing a relationship, a role, a sense of family, the future you imagined, or the hope that things might one day be different.

• You might feel certain that distance was necessary and still grieve the relationship.
• You might feel relieved and then feel guilty for feeling relieved.
• You might miss someone you don't actually want back in your life.
• You might keep replaying conversations, wondering what you could have done differently.
• Or you may have spent years living with uncertainty, never quite knowing what to make of what happened.

There may be no clear ending, no shared understanding of what happened and no obvious place for the grief to go. That's part of what can make estrangement so difficult to live with.

You don't have to work it out on your own.

Therapy can give you somewhere to slow things down and look beneath the surface story.

Together, we can explore what happened, how it has affected you and what you're carrying now, whether that's grief, guilt, shame, anger, uncertainty, relationship difficulties or simply the feeling that something still isn't settled.

My role isn't to tell you whether you should reconnect, stay apart, forgive, let go or try something different. 

I'm not here to take sides. I'm here to help you understand yourself, process what has happened and work out what you want for yourself now.

Who I work with

I work with adults who are navigating the emotional impact of estrangement, whether you've made the decision to step away, have been left behind, or are living somewhere in the uncertainty between the two.

You don't have to be in crisis to come to therapy. You might look as though you're coping perfectly well. You may be working, managing your responsibilities and getting on with life, while privately finding that the situation takes up far more emotional space than you'd like.

Many of the people I work with have felt judged for this before they've even explained it, by family, friends, or previous professional support that pushed toward reconciliation without understanding why that wasn't straightforward. If that's been your experience, it's worth knowing that this works differently.

Therapy can help you make sense of what's happening beneath that surface.

An approach tailored to you

I work integratively, which means I don't expect one therapeutic approach to fit every person or every situation.

We start with what's happening for you and work from there.

Where distressing experiences or memories continue to affect you in the present, EMDR may also be appropriate. EMDR can be offered as part of wider therapy with me, or as a standalone therapy if that is what you're looking for.

About me

I'm Sarah Swain, an accredited therapist and coach working online across the UK. I've worked across the NHS, charities and EAPs for over 15 years and am trained in integrative therapy, coaching and EMDR.

My interest in estrangement is also personal. I don't bring that into the room to tell you what your relationship should look like. My role is to help you understand what you're experiencing and find a way forward that feels right for you. Read more about my background.

Over time, you may notice

• Less guilt about a decision you've made, or are still weighing up.
• More clarity about what you actually want from the relationship, if anything.
• Language for a loss that doesn't get much recognition elsewhere.
• A steadier sense of yourself, separate from how this is judged by others.

Not resolution in the sense of a fixed outcome. A clearer sense of what's actually true for you, and more capacity to live with it either way.

You don't need to:

• have it all worked out.
• know whether you want reconciliation.
• know whether you've made the right decision.
• have a neat explanation for what happened.

We can start with where you are now.