Meet Sarah

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I'm Sarah Swain, an accredited integrative and EMDR therapist and coach focussing on estrangement.

My approach has been shaped by both professional experience and a recognition that people rarely fit neatly into one explanation, one diagnosis or one therapeutic model. That's particularly true when it comes to estrangement.

Why estrangement?

Estrangement is often talked about as though there are two sides and an obvious answer.

In reality, relationships can be complicated. You can care about someone and still need distance. You can recognise your own mistakes without believing that everything was your fault. You can feel certain about a decision and still grieve it. You can want reconciliation, or decide that you don't. And sometimes you simply want to understand what happened without being told what you should do about it.

My interest in working with estrangement is also personal. I've experienced family estrangement from more than one perspective, including as a child, an adult child and a sibling, as well as prolonged distance, no contact and reconciliation.

That experience has given me a particular appreciation of how difficult it can be to make sense of estrangement when you're inside it.

But I don't bring my own experience into our work to tell you what your relationship should look like.

• Your circumstances are your own.
• Your relationships are your own.
• And your decisions are your own.

My role is to help you understand what you're experiencing, process what has happened and work out what you want for yourself now.

How I work

I'm an integrative therapist, which means I draw on different therapeutic approaches depending on what you're experiencing and what you want to work through.

I don't believe therapy should be about fitting you into a particular model.

• Sometimes you need space to understand what's happening. 
• Sometimes you need to look at patterns that have developed over time. 
• Sometimes the past is still affecting the present in ways that talking and understanding alone haven't shifted. 
• And sometimes you need to work out what you actually want before deciding what comes next.

I won't simply nod along. Therapy should feel safe enough for you to be honest, but that doesn't mean I will simply agree with everything you say. I'm engaged in the work with you.

I'll ask questions, notice patterns and help you look at things from different perspectives.

Not to judge you.

Not to take someone else's side.

And not to tell you what you should do.

But because sometimes having someone alongside you who can gently challenge the surface story is what helps you see what's really happening.

What you can expect from me

I want therapy to be a space where you don't have to edit yourself.

• You can say that you miss someone.
• You can say you're angry.
• You can say you feel relieved.
• You can say you don't know what you want.
• You can question your own decisions.
• You can talk about something you regret.
• You can want reconciliation one week and want nothing to do with it the next.
• You don't have to make your experience sound reasonable before you bring it into the room.

We'll start with where you are.

My professional background

I'm BACP accredited and registered, with over 15 years' experience working across the NHS, charities and Employee Assistance Programmes.

I'm trained in integrative therapy, coaching and EMDR. I work online with adults across the UK.

My work is grounded in compassion, curiosity and respect for your autonomy.

I won't tell you what you should do. I'll help you understand what you're experiencing so you can decide what is right for you.

If you're wondering whether therapy could help

• You don't need to know exactly what you need before getting in touch.
• You don't need a clear goal.
• And you don't need to have decided what you want to happen with the relationship.

An initial consultation gives us somewhere to start.